How Grief Is Changing Me

I no longer have the emotional capacity for bull shit. It’s true. Your emotions are exhausted. The capacity to deal with drama, pettiness, negative people, or unhealthy situations diminishes. Your doing your best to just stay afloat so you quickly rid yourself of any extra baggage that might make you sink.

I’m far more genuine and real. I’m no longer ashamed of my or my family’s story. So many struggle in darkness, hiding under the pretenses of perfection. Stop it. I’ve found honesty with yourself and others can be one of the greatest healers. Don’t be afraid to show your scars, they might help someone with their open wounds.

I’m softer to suffering. You recognize the sadness and darkness in another’s eyes. True empathy only comes from experience. A strangers story will make you weep. You get it. The shock and the sadness; you’re no stranger. Although no two people share the same journey; loss and pain is universal. I’ve grown far more aware and sensitive to it.

My love is fiercer. Being forced to let go of some things make you hold tighter to others. I’ve grown incredibly protective of those I love. My circle is smaller but closer. A profound loyalty to those that showed up and loved me at my worst.

I’m trying to live fuller. Immortality slaps you right across the face . I don’t want to waste my time here. I want to look back on my life and to be proud and grateful for the way I lived it. To make the most of opportunities and talents, but not be consumed by results or accomplishments. Investing in the important things and appreciating God’s gifts along the way.

I write these things down to remind myself that even in the midst of pain, God’s promise remains “He makes beauty out of the ashes” Isaiah 61:3

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